dont mistaking the menu for the food.

you know what i feel like, this whole issue i am facing is a classic
case of what alan watts called mistaking the menu for the food.

its like lately i am surrounded by the philosophy that calling of the
name of something, is actually the thing. that is you called out
schizophrenic a lot, then automatically that is schizophrenic. or if
you call out hippies a lot, then that is automatically hippies, but
all that really is is invoking a map type paradigm, and a map is just
a map its a system of organization, that is its essence, its goes no
deeper than that, its symbols have no real substance, they allude to
something that in theory is real, but none of it really has any true
essence aside from being a bunch of flat stuff you can look at, that
is a weak imitation. and that is all.

i feel like this is what i am surrounded by lately. thats all that the
world is becoming, for instance, i have been called schizophrenic, and
people are like well what is that? oh its syd barret, lets make
everything exactly like syd barrett for this person, and just
basically give them a copy of syd barretts life to live. but
schizophrenia is not syd barrett. what is schizophrenia exactly? the
truth is thats an extremely difficult question, because schizophrenia
to someone who has it is always going to seem very much different than
schizophrenia to someone who doesn't have it, ironically, syd barrett
actually does help, in that it brings to mind pink floyd, and the
cover of the album dark side of the moon. schizophrenia in my
experience of it is like seeing that rainbow, but not being able to
see the triangle, and everyone else feels like they are not allowed to
see the rainbow, so when you talk about seeing the rainbow, they just
deny everything and it becomes a terrible experience, but perhaps they
feel like they have to because thats what you wanted, but the truth
is, people who are called schizophrenic are usually led to accept that
label after being in a horribly confusing situation, and the cruel
thing is, others outside probably are assuming that because they are
accepting that label as a sign of honest confusion that they want to
perpetuate that ritual that only they can see this rainbow while
everyone else is only allowed to see the black and white. but a
schizophrenic doesnt want to be the only one who can see it, a
schizophrenic is tired of the strict dual roles, of therapist and
patient, in which therapist is always correct and schizophrenic is
always deluded. it basically exactly mirrors a horribly dysfunctional
50s gender role structure, where women are expected to live their life
totally in the kitchen and raising children and they can't do anything
else, any else would be heresy, and men are supposed to be out
fighting and playing sports, and every day you come home and your wife
says oh darling what a wonderful day, i've cooked you your
stereotypical dinner of steak and chocolate pita bread, blah blah
blah, and they are all so pleasantly and forever amused by the idiotic
dramas and stories that the governments tells them about what happens
in the world which keep them in their little box and this goes on
forever and ever, and no real digression of those roles is ever
allowed to occur, its strictly enforced, when that starts happening,
suddenly the community feels something is horribly wrong. But what is
horribly wrong is that no one is really like that, it doesn't take too
much thinking to be able to get beyond that thin illusion to see that
its not the most healthy, every female doesnt have that calling, every
male doesn't have those passions, so they have to be able to do what
they really want to. Likewise, every schizophrenic is not just some
museum act of some individual who has absolutely no sense and just
goes in front of these therapist people who rule their lives for no
reason, and have an incredible amount of power while all of their
point of view is discountedd automatically, and it goes on forever,
and any deviation from that ends up with the schizophrenic person in
deeper and deeper bondage. We all make mistakes, sometimes people who
are called schizophrenic are correct about a lot, they may be called
schizophrenic but so what, schizophrenic is just a name, it has no
definite meaning.

we have to be able to see beyond the names to the essence of
something, and thats entirely whats been happening here. I've been in
a situation where, it was like we have to treat peoples names are
what they are everything is an anagram for something, if your name is
Mira you are automatically a mirror, and they would enforce that and
put mirrors into your life and stuff like that. But thats not the
case. Just because it sounds like a word for something does not make
it that. Because think about it, hippies for example, hippies may
think about hippiesh things a lot, but people who think about hippies
and just say the word hippie a lot, could be enemies of hippies, they
could be saying/thinking it a lot because they feel like its a
problem, and so to say that just by saying the name brings about that
quality in you is ridiculous. I feel like i've been followed by this
magical group, that tries to psychologically rape me, and theres so
huge order being set up around things i do and everything needs to be
a huge battle. i feel like i'm being forced to change the way i am to
fit some popular cultural images, like that a child needs to love the
one who identifies themselves as parent, but thats not really true and
that someone who likes feet is automatically like a slave and thats
what they want, and thats not true. I don't accept gurus, i just
accept the beingness of what something is. and It would make me
offended that the names were being used. But ultimately all of that
all of it is just a system, it is the system, that people try to
liberate themselves from, and the truth is, its a healthy thing to
liberate yourself from it, from thinking that a word is synonymous to
the actual thing or a symbol, a symbol has no life of its own, its a
small shape, it has a life of its own, but its pretty simple, it just
is that shape, the idea we associate with it, is actually not really
bound to it except in our imagination.

zen is just an empty word, hippie an empty word all of it is empty, to
be so dependent on words is to set yourself up for lies and deception
but what you are being dependent on it making a bunch of wierd little
shapes.

it might help you a little bit but to think something is just going to
follow that totally is ridiculous. to leave those associations behind,
to allow words to just be words, they can say what they want, but if
it is empty, then it is empty. I feel I am a woman, i do not follow
the stereotypical society view of what women is, and furthermore that
view is no longer even really so widespread, though the transgender
community as it is portrayed on the internet is an attempt at denyin
that and saying no you cannot be a woman without submitting to the
1950s cultural standard of what that is, true transgendered people all
of the world have intuitively seen that for a farce, the transgender
internet community has tried to control what is available to be seen
there in terms of transgendered people who dont just submit and let
other people define what woman is but define it themselves, but we
have largely not really cared. Same so with the schizophrenic
community online, I think its a valid thing for someone who is so
different to try to find folks who are like them, but the communities
available online act as if that is literally a crime and its extremely
distressing, they will literally act out the world being some intense
facist regime, and try to stop meaningful discussion and relationships
from occuring. I became aware of that and was disgusted, i became
aware the only people who really flourished on the sites supposed for
people who were schizophrenic was people who exemplified the
stereotypes of what they wanted to portray, a donnie darko type
person, or a person obsessed with taking medication, seeming truly
inept, having a very confucist lifestyle, and not really thinking much
about anything too deeply, or doing so but coming up with some
ridiculous idea in the end that has obvious problems, and is not
really believable but just a huge drama. Now I am schizophrenic, I
hear voices in my head, and I have perceptions of goings on in my
life, that are in no way normal, but I remember how it was before,
when I first got it, physical things in the universe were not moving
around in ordinance with it, it was just voices in my mind, but now
its like its become some kind of conspiracy to make everything some
intense role situation where I am definitively schizophrenic and that
entails an elaborate ritual going on aided by secret beings around me,
mostly church members I supposed to keep that ritual going, but the
ritual is just all the more irritating and disturbing to someone who
is already going through issues, and its like just a reinforcement
that is not helpful at all but just makes one feel like they are
living in a totally controlled environment, and dont have control our
their life vision. I am diagnosed as schizophrenic, and I use that
label, because I am honestly confused about some phenomena, but I
think I can tell when it is staged by the outside world, and when it
is real. Lately there is so much being staged, it feels like a great
invasion, like they just want to take control and possess my life. The
thing is I am naturally a chaotic and disorganized person and the
organization of these rituals is what is the most disturbing to me,
and makes me feel very uncomfortable, why should a church group (or
any group supposedly religious or posing as religious) be able to do
that against someones will? that is cruel and disturbing, and illegal
harassment. I just want my life back, I dont want to have to be
pressured to play out this grand play they've written up, where I
become a rastafarian and blah blah blah, endlessly on, because thats
not me, and its not even a good way of solving those problems, the way
I would like to do it is by writing things and meeting with people who
are really kind of similarly thinking, so hopefully perhaps the true
message can grow and be understood to the point where its no longer
considered schizophrenic, but actually just like philosophical or
maybe a kind of energetic sensitivity (i avoid using the term psychic
because I don't really feel a connection to that name or people who
call themselves psychic, I am not psychic, I feel like thats kind of
just like displaying some superpower for no reason) like not playing
out actor roles of overblown notions and caricatures. But that is
increasingly all that I am offered, when I am trying to honestly help
the world, and give intelligent discusssion, and philosophy, suddenly
its being banned as if this is something against the law, but actually
banning it is against free speech, something that this country is
based on. I see the true philosophical and question everything type
writings becoming more and more scarce, to be replaced by a propaganda
that basically says be defiant, be defiant for no reason, rebel, but
have no real solution, rebel and keep rebelling but have no goal thats
really better just maybe a temporary duality that any thinking person
could see is immediately going to cause the same situation to occur
again, instead of transcending both of those dualities and reaching a
totally different path. The occupy movement? what has it really
brought us? there has been no flourishment in free speech no
flourishment in spiritual thought, it has just been a huge regression.
Just people creating their own opposition through stories where they
have to fight, its just bringing up conflict where the is none and
encouraging that dynamic. Meanwhile those of us who think the best of
the world, but still provide truly dynamic conversation and articles
are being suppressed to a large degree, and thus the population seems
so stupid.



I oppose the occupy movement because it seems like its just about real
estate in the end and making everything an incredible duality, its not
a true revolution, its just senseless violence, probably sponsored by
taunts from the government, its just like falling for bait. We have to
be more lucid than that, we dont need to go out to protest, but go out
and put your art out in the world, offer new ideas, help others who
are trying to put new ideas and worldviews out there, not just trying
to protest and fight for no reason. look at anarchist sites like the
ironically titled crimethinc, they have great and thoughtful points,
what they are saying does not make me want to be violent at all, it
just makes me realize that the system is not really an intelligent
system, and anyone can see that and we have seen that for a long time,
so lets change it, not just keep complaining about it, and saying we
are oppressed, but start living and writing as if we are not oppressed
and that everyone is awake, and that these good things we dream of are
happening, eventually they are bound to. And hey maybe that seems a
bit strange to say after I've said that the words are not synonymous
to the things that they are supposedly about, but you know what, the
thing is I trust the dynamicness of the intelligence of people to be
able to understand that sometimes things are not so black and white,
and that it can be used for good, when its good, but when its hurting
people and just locking us into patterns that are self harmful, we can
move on from it, and not be attached to it, truly at no time are we
attached to it, but we can see that, if its helping us, maybe its a
time to have a better opinion of it, though not being totally
transfixed and start thinking its all words, because without the true
spirit behind it, it can do nothing.



but its just sad, the toltec people who have taught all this
impeccability of words have these days seemed more like robots
becoming so literal like legalists and lawyers imposing on us totally
unrealistic paradigms where we are never allowed to say anything
negative or it comes back to attack us, but when we say something
positive its nothing, just from really seeing how that is happening we
should know, its not exactly all just about what we are saying, as if
we are totally programmed by language but its about how we are living
our lives. We have to have a certain organicness, there is no real
formula for it, but no one can be positive all the time, we all have
our things about us that don't make sense, that perhaps could be made
a huge deal of, trying to analyze for some exact and specific meaning,
but sometimes the truth of it is really that it just doesnt make
sense, its just one of those moments of chaos in all of our lives, to
try to say all of those moments have to be totally premeditated and
perfect is to destroy who we really are and turn us into unfeeling
robots who cannot relax, but then theres other times when we should
meditate on it and we are truly giving our intents and not our
feelings as they come across in some random moment, which is
important, but not everything. When we are giving our intents, we must
realize, this is a free country, the spirit of America is a real
thing, and its like good. we don't need to be fighting this much, what
we need is truly thoughtful stuff, like the government doesn't really
exist, its all in our mind, we create it with the words we choose and
how we represent ourselves and what we do, we create it with what we
chose to support not just through voting but just in our every day
lives, we to some degree control what energies we draw to ourselves,
whether consciously or not.



We dont really want gurus, we don't really want cult leaders, but we
do want people who are not afraid to break things down to their
spiritual essence without making it some huge game of follow the
leader, and show us their individual takes of the world, on
spirituality, we should rejoice in this, in the diversity of it all,
but lately, that has been suppressed we are only getting one view,
that is not even truly authentic, because it claims to be for
revolution but suppresses every other opinion and perspective, thats
not a revolution that I want to be a part of, thats like a rise of a
facist regime.



This is not the holocaust, though maybe for a time, some of us have
been pulled into the treachery, still its not like we are mass
hypnotized, and now that more and realizing what it is for what it is,
for example that currently most of these so called hippie websites,
hipforums.com, dmt-nexus.com, worldwidehippies.com, rainbow family,
have hidden political agendas that are very against the essence of
what hippie is, they are just using those terms like the nazis used
the swastika, stealing it from those who truly understood it to
pervert its meaning into some materialistic and horribly harmful
garbage. Now that this is happening more of us can now move on from
the protest paradigm into the real shamanic paradigm of sharing and
just living the lives we want to realizing the government is probably
not going to fuck with us unless we just come with a huge amount of
defiance expecting them to. And anyone who does do something like that
is most likely not government. All we really need is new sites, new
forums by people who are not going to try too make monopolies and
pyramid structures where they have the power to censor others for no
reason but are truly open, sites that have a different take on it
all, that are not trying to make everyone into a totally formal being
writing always with some definite intent or something but can really
make a free and relaxed art that is its own end. This kind of thing
is truly what hippie is about, not the political stuff, but somehow it
takes us beyond that, somehow just having a community there that is
about real things, that is not trying to suppress who you are, that is
so good for everything, its not happening in an organized manner but
somehow it does cause good to reach out across the world and what not,
that is all we need, forums on the internet and groups in the real
world. That is what wanti is about, and really once more its not about
the name, it could manifest in so many names in so many different
things, like zen, its just an openness though, not a guy coming up
behind you always making you sit up straight but a supportive spirit
that somehow knows even if thats not happening at every moment in
total rigidity that growth is still happening and its really great,
and perhaps the reason its happen it because that there is not the
total rigidity.



we are not trying to program the world, but we are trying to put our
visions out there, the old visions were of huge snakes and dna being
the backbone of everything, perhaps now that will change, perhaps its
how we dealt with that, in the art, that brought about this what we
are experiencing now, but its not like we cannot change it, its not
like things are so bad, we just need to recognize whats really
happening and respond to it by consciously taking another route. Not
forming into huge organizations, but letting people come and go
chaotically into places where everyone can be heard without taking up
some kind of formal name, but I still think the term hippie or
something like it could be used just so people realize its about open
mindedness, I just think that the current people supposedly
representing that on the internet are not that at all and the lies
have gone too far, and have tried to make us just empty words, but
now, those of us who are beyond just going exactly with the word,
following EXACTLY, the chaotic ones, are returning and we understand
we can only generally coax it along and thats all we really have a
desire to do, we cannot have absolute control but no one really wants
that, we can live our lives, we can be ourselves, but no one is being
enslaved, no one wants the exploitative dominator culture, they may
want those who we can respect, who have some kind of understanding and
self made gnosis and authority but none of it is really absolute none
of it is really official, yet it can still have some effect, thats all
that anarchy really means, that all that we do is having effect, that
the government is not far off but right here in every day workings,
and its not some huge system of boxes andd maps but its just the flow
of energy around us, universal, excluding no phenomenon, no being. it
is the tao. The notion that government is some specific organization
of human beings who use special crests and have some rigid control and
can abuse and do whatever they want to us is foolish, and is dispelled
when we live in the way described, perhaps that will still exist to
some degree, and its true even that kind of thing may have some useful
purpose, but its the way we approach which affects whether they just
totally take advantage of us and treat us as idiots of they actually
just manifest animistically as true channels of the universal force
and not some immature childish game of dominate people in some kind of
hero/villian paradigm. When we realize, that the government in terms
of human beings is not what we really need to be focusing on, but
instead on the energies around us, and the energies we put out in
terms of philosophy and our message and goals, and our life style, we
realize that though we are anarchy, though we are not organization, we
are the government, the government is just the people, and thats what
america is overtly, and what every place on earth really is, that is
just a statement of consciousness of the truth, its not a foriegn
unfeeling system that controls us, it is ourselves, it is the people
around us, so if we are cool with things, then they will be cool with
things, thats just the way it is. and thats all that we are trying to
say. and the truth is thats what they want, no one wants a facism, the
people who want that, no one really likes them anyways, who would want
one person to have so much power while everyone else has none? who
would want that except as a joke in some sexual kind of situation that
ultimately is just about love and not real, and only lasts for a few
moments. No one really wants that, no one really wants to be hurt by
that, we just have to realize that. If people are talking about that
in the sexual sense, thats in the sexual sense, its not like a life
decision. and I think the people who do it sexually, should maybe just
think on that too, is that what they really want blah blah blah,
ultimately making love is just making love, its a behavior that is
seperate from the rest of life, not a signal to base the rest of your
life on. how you want to act there is how you act no one really
controls that, you do regress in some sense and you do stupid stuff
just for the feeling, but the rest of life is different, thats
something that happens between two people in their private space, its
not something that happens between a peoples and their government at
the level of everyday reality, thats just dangerous and unreal, and
thats basically what occupy seems like to be.

and then them trying to use it to sell houses and plant mimosa
hostilis trees everywhere even where its an invasion is not chill,
thats when it becomes actually slavery and thats just stupid, whats
the answer? stop protesting and start writ
ing and supporting philosophical thinkers who are willing to break it
down as it really is and willing to admit this is not defiance this is
how its been for a while, we are not a culture thats trying to hurt
nature, we are fairly wise beings.

no one can own the land or the people or any living being, thats not
something to really joke about
lukara